Friday, 26 May 2023

Transient Towpath Trudging - Pt.73 (Carp Success)

They keep having laffs at the Department for Work and Pensions over the howlers on the do-it-yourself sick notes. Conditions which have laid people low include 'flue virus', 'bleeding noise', 'jangles', 'pain in the angle', 'blown-up arm', 'desperation' and a 'fluid stomach'. One old woman said she was 'sick and tired due to the doctor's tablets'. A Coventry man announced that he was 'mentally unstable' and was 'staying in bed until a psychiatrist comes'.

I hope someone at the DWP is keeping an eye open for anglers' sick notes. There are bound to be a few ailments so far unknown to medical science: cowpat poisoning, congestion of the gills, lumbago of the lateral line, not to mention outbreaks of basket bum, nightfisher's nose and reservoir ears.

You can see some of the notes already:
'I left my cap off when I went fishing and got chilled to the bone.'

'I put my hand in a conger's mouth to see how many teeth it had. It closed its mouth to see how many fingers I had.'

'Strained myself in pub illustrating the size of the fish' 

'Suffering from short sight. Dropped lucky rabbit's foot in road on way to match. Went back to collect it. Didn't see bus.'

There must still be plenty of questions that need answering when the claimants are called in for interviews:

DWP Person: 'You said on your form that you had the day off for an appointment with your doctor. Yet you were seen on the river bank, fishing with a little fat man in spectacles.'
Angler: "That's right. The little fat man in spectacles is my doctor.'

DWP Person: 'You state here that a shark bit your leg off. Which one?"
Angler: 'How should I know? They all look the same to me.'

DWP Person: 'Your injuries were caused apparently because your wife beat you black and blue after a six-day fishing festival. Why was that?'
Angler: 'She found out I didn't go.'

DWP Person: 'You say your wife struck you with a flat iron after you gave her a set of floats for her birthday. Why on earth was that?'
Angler: 'She was expecting a fur coat.'

DWP Person: 'You say you suffered severe lacerations of the nether regions owing to lapse of memory. Could you elaborate?'
Angler: 'I got up in the morning and jumped straight into the 'bath. I forgot I'd put a 25 lb pike in there the night before.'

DWP Person: 'You suffered a severe headache after sitting on a rod rest? How come it was your head that hurt?' 
Angler: 'I was fishing under a low bridge.'
DWP Person: 'You claim severe depression because your wife ran off with your best friend. 

How exactly does it affect you?'
Angler: 'Now I've got to go fishing without him.' And there's always one in every club:

DWP Person: 'You say you are depressed because you can't seem to get on with the fellow members of your angling club. 

Why do you think you can't get on with them?'
Angler: 'How the hell should I know, you four-eyed, bald- headed old tw@t!'

Anyway better get fishing before I section myself !!

Now I could have spent the afternoon walking around digging holes, looking for water.
Well boring.

So with sun high in the sky and clear blue skies I thought a mid afternoon trip to the canal was in order. Might as well as I had a few hours to kill before the rabble turned up. Bait bread, two rods, one a bread bomb carp set-up and the other an over depth tiny pellet waggler to be able to fish tight to the reeds. To be honest I wasn't expecting much but it was nice to get out in the fresh air and forgot about works ever present pandemonium. 

Anyway after catching a bream tight to some reeds on the peller waggler rod I went on the rove to try and find a carp. 'Carp Corner' Buffalo Si was a 15 minute walk away so I headed there. And it didn't take long to spot a carp in the spindly reeds.

The problem was it wasn't interested in the bread at all in-fact it didn't really budge from the far bank that was difficult to cast to. Only one fish there but it looked a nice one and the fact I've hooked two carp and lost two I really needed to make this session pay.

The key to get the 'carpy shot' was to retrace my steps and cross over to the other side of the canal where there was a much better vantage point. What I didn't expect that the pint and pork scratchings to reward myself came far sooner than I expected because after dropping the bait on its nose literally by my feet it sucked the bread in and within a couple of seconds I was in to an epic battle. 

A Nash Dwarf Rod and 12lb line straight through to the bread bomb was the step up in tackle I needed and after giving a cracking account for itself it was teased in to the inadequate landing net. 11lb 2oz and the prize was mine. Ok not a massive carp, but I was well happy with this as it's taken lots of my time recently. Happy Days !!!


  1. Nice one. A canal carp is always a special fish

    1. Cheers Brian, love it when a plan comes together !!


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