Warwickshire Avon - Fish Whisperers and Flagellomania

So, we are back on the Warwickshire Avon, Nic and I, and to be honest it has been a while. Not because I have fallen out with the river, or because the river has specifically asked for a restraining order, but simply because life, work, family, weather, fish and the general nonsense that surrounds trying to go fishing all seem to conspire against actually going fishing.

Nic, on the other hand, has recently become something to appease the curtain twitchers, largely because his Seven Heaven Weir YouTube video has now accumulated something in the region of 35,000 views. Thirty-five thousand! I struggle to get thirty-five people to read one of my blog posts without threatening them with violence, yet Nic is now apparently an internet sensation and presumably spends his evenings signing autographs on luncheon meat tins.

I imagine the phone has been ringing constantly with offers of television work, book deals and Hollywood adaptations, although knowing Nic it is probably just somebody asking if he can guide them on the Wye. Still, fame is fame, and if he isn't signing autographs somewhere, he is probably guiding anglers around the River Wye and pointing knowingly at things while saying, "There's usually a fish there."

This, however, is Nic's manor, so to speak, and there aren't many people who know this particular stretch of river as intimately as he does. He knows the swims, the depth changes, the snags, the banks, the bits you can walk down without falling into the river and, most importantly, the bits where a barbel might actually be persuaded to put its head above the parapet.

After a considerable amount of badgering, nagging, whining and what I would describe as perfectly reasonable persistence, Nic eventually succumbed to my moaning. We pencilled in a short evening session, nothing elaborate, just a few hours into dusk to see if we could winkle out a barbel.

I should point out that "short session" is now becoming something of a speciality of mine. Gone are the days when I could happily sit beside a river for fourteen hours contemplating the meaning of life while waiting for a quivertip to move three millimetres, because these days after about four hours my body starts filing formal complaints. There is something wonderfully appealing about a quick smash-and-grab session. Arrive, fish, hopefully catch something, pack up and go home before your knees start making noises normally associated with a Victorian staircase.

The Warwickshire Avon has had a bit of a bad wrap over the years, particularly where barbel are concerned. According to certain sections of social media, if a river isn't producing a seventeen-pound barbel every time somebody puts a lump of meat on a hook, it is apparently finished, deceased, buried and already being mourned by people who haven't actually fished it for five years. Social media has rather changed the way some people view fishing. If there isn't a photograph, a ridiculous hashtag, three hundred likes and somebody standing behind the fish looking as though they have just discovered the Ark of the Covenant, then apparently the fish didn't really count.

And if you are after barbel purely for the notoriety of catching them, then I suppose the Severn, Trent and Wye offer more obvious opportunities. There are considerably more whiskers swimming about in those rivers and, consequently, considerably more opportunities to produce the obligatory photograph of yourself holding one while staring into the middle distance as though you have just negotiated a particularly difficult hostage situation.

Of course, the Warwickshire Avon has had its problems, and some of them are very real indeed. Our furry friend the otter certainly hasn't helped matters over the years, although I suspect blaming everything on an otter is rather like blaming the state of British roads on one particularly badly driven Ford Fiesta.

Then there was the quite staggering fish kill in June 2024. The incident was attributed to an oxygen crash, with material washed into the river during storms also believed to have contributed to the problem, and the scale of it was genuinely upsetting. It wasn't ancient history either. This was a relatively recent and significant event, and when you see the consequences of something like that, you can't help wondering what the future holds for the river and the fish that call it home.

Yet despite all of that, more and more barbel seem to be showing at the moment, which is enormously encouraging news for those of us who live locally. There is something particularly satisfying about catching a good fish from a river that is practically on your doorstep rather than spending two hours driving across the country before you've even picked up a rod.

Don't get me wrong, I love travelling to fish, but there comes a point when you question whether the seventeen-pound barbel is actually worth the diesel, motorway coffee, toll roads, parking charges and the gradual deterioration of your spine.

If instant results and trophy shots for Instagram are your primary objectives, then perhaps the Avon isn't necessarily the river for you. 

Unless, of course, your name is James Forty Rivers Denison, in which case you probably turn up at a puddle behind a garden centre and somehow catch a barbel that requires a wheelbarrow. 

His 40 river challenge will be ticked off by this time next year if he keeps his recent momentum up, keep at it James !! I look forward to the book !!

For the rest of us mere mortals, the Avon offers something slightly different. You have to put the time in, accept that some sessions will produce absolutely nothing and understand that the river isn't particularly interested in your social media engagement statistics.

And that is precisely why I like it.

There is something very appealing about fishing a river where you aren't guaranteed anything. You can walk miles, fish perfectly, put the right bait in exactly the right place and still go home with nothing more than a slightly damp sandwich and the suspicion that the fish were laughing at you from underneath a tree root. This season I have actually been doing reasonably well, I must admit. I've had some nice barbel from the Avon, with my best so far an ounce or so over twelve pounds, which isn't a bad fish at all and certainly gives the scales something worthwhile to do.

Naturally, however, once you catch a twelve-pounder you immediately stop being grateful for catching a twelve-pounder and start wondering where the fourteen-pounder is. This is one of the many wonderful psychological defects associated with fishing. You could catch the fish of a lifetime and by the time you've driven home you are already wondering whether it had a brother.

The Avon has bigger fish, without doubt, and that is what keeps me interested. Somewhere underneath those roots, behind those snags or tucked beneath an undercut bank is a barbel that could potentially make the twelve-pounder look like a junior member of the family.

I just need to persuade it to eat something with a hook in it.

The problem, if you can call it that, is that the Avon is often gin clear. During daylight the fish can see everything, and I mean everything. They probably know what brand of hooklength you are using before you've even finished tying the knot.

You can stand on the bank and stare into the water and see weed, stones, branches, gravel, fish and, if you're unlucky, your own reflection looking increasingly desperate.

But as the light fades, everything changes.

Those fish that have spent the afternoon hiding in snags, tucked beneath overhanging branches or sheltering underneath undercut banks begin to venture out. The river takes on that wonderful evening feel where the light disappears, the birds quieten down and suddenly you start thinking that perhaps, just perhaps, tonight could be the night.

Of course, every angler knows this feeling.

It is the same feeling that has emptied thousands of bank accounts and caused millions of unnecessary purchases from tackle shops.

You sit there thinking, "This is it."

Then three hours later you are packing up thinking, "Why did I think this was it?"

Still, that is fishing.

Nic and I planned to meet up, walk the bank for a nose around and have a look at what was happening before settling into a swim. There is something to be said for walking the river before fishing it, particularly on the Avon, because things change and what looked perfect six months ago can now look like somewhere you'd store a stolen bicycle.

The walk also gives you an opportunity to peer into likely areas, look for signs of fish and, most importantly, pretend that you are doing something productive rather than simply wandering around with a fishing rod.

Nic, naturally, was much more knowledgeable than me. He'd point at a bit of slack water and say something along the lines of, "There'll be one under there."

I'd look at it and think, "It looks like water."

This is the difference between somebody who knows a river intimately and somebody who has spent most of his life asking, "Do you reckon there are any fish in there?" 

Eventually we settled on a couple of swims which both of us had not fished before and started getting ourselves organised. There was nothing particularly complicated about the plan. A sensible bait, sensible tackle, a sensible amount of optimism and a complete absence of anything remotely sensible about our expectations.

The objective was simply to put a bait where a barbel might find it once darkness arrived. That sounds easy enough, but of course anglers have an extraordinary ability to turn the simplest possible activity into something resembling a military operation. 

Rods come out, alarms are attached, leads are selected, hooks are checked, bags are opened and closed repeatedly and at some point somebody inevitably says, "Where's my scissors?"

Nobody knows. They are always somewhere. Usually in the hand of the person asking where they are.

As daylight began to disappear, the Avon started to change character. The crystal-clear water that had looked almost sterile earlier in the evening suddenly became dark and mysterious, and the snags along the margins began to look less like bits of wood and more like very effective fish-holding machinery. 

This is when I really like the Avon. There is no guarantee of a bite, but there is always that possibility. The whole river seems to come alive just when you can no longer see what's going on. And that, of course, is when your imagination gets involved. 

Every little pluck becomes a barbel. Every knock becomes a barbel. A leaf hitting the line becomes a barbel. A distant owl becomes, somehow, a barbel. You sit there staring at the rod tip convinced that it has moved when, in reality, it hasn't moved at all. It is simply your eyesight slowly giving up. Now, we'd chosen an area with cover and lots of it, decent pace despite the low conditions and some streamer weed in and around the swim. A nice dink on the bottom too, so at least we knew we both had the baits presented correctly. 

The beauty of fishing into dusk is that you don't actually need much to happen before the excitement levels rise. A slight movement, a single liner or a tiny change in the position of the rod tip is enough to have you sitting upright like somebody has just shouted "free beer". Nic, being far more experienced on this stretch, was naturally far more relaxed. I was considerably less relaxed. This is partly because I wanted a barbel and partly because I had already mentally written the blog. This is another problem with fishing.

You don't just have to catch the fish; you have to remember what happened, where it happened, what bait you used, what the weather was doing, what Nic said, what you said and whether the fish looked sufficiently impressive when photographed. The fish, meanwhile, is simply trying to eat dinner without becoming a blog post. As the darkness properly arrived, the river became almost completely invisible.

The noise of the water increased, the banks disappeared into shadow and the whole place became wonderfully atmospheric. Somewhere out there were barbel. We just had to convince one of them that our bait was a better proposition than whatever else was naturally available.

That is the wonderful thing about the Avon. You aren't surrounded by bivvies (unless you're on the other bank), tripods, twenty rods and enough tackle to outfit a small expedition. 

It can be wonderfully simple. Two anglers, two rods, a river and the faint possibility of a barbel. No drama. No pressure. No expectation. 

Well, apart from the expectation that I was going to catch one. Which, when you think about it, is quite a lot of expectation. Still, that was the plan and we settled down to see what happened. The Avon was doing what the Avon does best: flowing quietly through the lowlight while keeping its secrets firmly to itself.

And somewhere beneath the black surface, possibly under a snag, possibly beneath an undercut bank, was a barbel that had absolutely no idea that two idiots were sitting on the bank waiting for it. Hopefully, before the evening was over, we'd introduce ourselves.

Jesus Mick, stop with the waffle !!!

The sunset was particularly vibrant, which was rather inconvenient given that our club has recently reminded us that there is to be no night fishing, a rule which, to be fair, has always existed but has presumably been rediscovered after a few members decided that “until dusk” was actually shorthand for “until the milkman starts his morning round”. 

The problem, however, was that nobody had actually bothered to quantify what constitutes night fishing, other than the wonderfully scientific explanation that fishing into dusk is fine and “night fishing is when it is fully dark”, which leaves us with the slightly awkward business of deciding precisely when fully dark actually is.

According to the astronomical boffins, properly fully dark means the Sun has disappeared more than 18 degrees below the horizon, thereby bringing astronomical twilight to an end, which on this particular evening would have been somewhere between 8.45pm and 9.15pm, depending on which bit of the planet, calendar or celestial calculator you happened to believe. Sunset had been at 7.02pm, so technically we could have been sitting there quite legally for another hour and three quarters, but our own interpretation of the regulations was considerably less ambitious and we had decided that half an hour after dusk was probably a good time to pack up before somebody appeared from the bushes with a clipboard and a torch.

Anyway, enough astronomical nonsense, because we were there to catch fish rather than discuss the orbital mechanics of a medium-sized star, and there were certain swims along this stretch where the fish have a habit of switching on almost as soon as the light disappears. The trouble was that in the run-up to dusk both Nic and I were getting absolutely nothing apart from the occasional tentative nibble, which is the angling equivalent of receiving a text from someone saying “we need to talk” and then waiting for the inevitable disappointment.

I wasn't particularly optimistic, although optimism in fishing is usually something you leave at home along with the sensible footwear and any realistic expectation of success. Then, almost precisely on cue, official dusk arrived and something changed in my swim, with one fish topping that looked suspiciously chub-like and the first little tremors appearing through the rod blank and, via the cork handle, directly into the side of my leg.

Nic's swim, meanwhile, remained about as lively as a library after closing time, and for the next twenty minutes I sat on my hands rather than striking at every tiny movement, largely because I had already convinced myself that every twitch was either a fish or an overexcited piece of weed. Eventually those short pulls developed into something considerably more convincing, the rod arched over and suddenly I had a proper bite, a proper fish and the sort of excitement that makes all the earlier staring at an unmoving quivertip seem entirely worthwhile.

Initially I thought it was a chub, which would have fitted the circumstances rather nicely, but then Sean from Snagged Bro!! appeared over my shoulder like some sort of nocturnal fishing apparition and, under the beam of the headtorch, the truth was revealed. It wasn't a chub at all but a bream, which isn't quite the glorious climax you imagine when the rod suddenly folds over in the gathering darkness, but at least it was a fish and therefore officially better than sitting there catching absolutely nothing.

By this stage the curfew was creeping towards us, Nic remained resolutely biteless and I had one bream in the net, which meant there wasn't really any argument for hanging around other than the usual angler's belief that the next bite is always going to be the one that changes everything. We decided to call it a night, although I remain convinced that had we stayed another half hour the swim would have erupted into a frenzy of feeding fish, with the only thing stopping us being the club rules, common sense and possibly the police.

The thing is, I've always found that little window around dusk, and particularly the period immediately afterwards, can be when the magic happens, with fish suddenly appearing as if somebody has flicked a switch marked FEED NOW. Tonight was a perfect example, albeit one where the magic apparently came with a fairly strict time limit and only issued one bream as a complimentary sample.

So that's another swim on the stretch explored, another peg crossed off the list and another little piece of information filed away in the increasingly untidy cabinet of fishing experience. Nic has now added his swim to the official “don't bother” list, while I've learned that mine might be worth another go when the light fades, preferably before the astronomical definition of night catches up with the club's considerably more practical one.

Still, it was good to catch up and have a proper evening beside the water, even if Nic managed to blank while I somehow scraped together a bream and an inflated sense of achievement. Next time we'll try different pegs, keep our eyes on the light and see whether the magic decides to put in another appearance, although knowing my luck it'll probably arrive eleven minutes after we've packed the rods away.

Warwickshire Avon - Wideboys and Wombats (River Carp !!)

When we first acquired our little section of the syndicate stretch, I can fully understand why the landowner only gave us one bit of river to play with initially. After all, there’s no point handing over several hundred yards of prime Warwickshire Avon to a collection of complete strangers who may immediately erect bivvies, fell half the woodland, install a three-course kitchen and generally behave as though they’ve been given planning permission for a small caravan park with fishing rods.

The general principle, I suspect, was very much out of sight, out of mind. If we could demonstrate that we were reasonably normal human beings who occasionally caught fish rather than a travelling circus of nocturnal woodland developers, then perhaps further negotiations could take place.

Fortunately, we must have passed the audition, because eventually the second section of river, rather grandly christened 'The Untrodden', became available to us too. 

This was largely down to the negotiating skills of George Burton, whose ability to persuade somebody to part with something is apparently only surpassed by Herb Cohen, although George has yet to publish a book entitled You Can Have The River, But Only If I Can Have The River First.

The Untrodden really does appear to be just that. There are stretches where you get the distinct impression that a human being hasn't cast a bait into it since the invention of the wheel, and possibly not even then, although there are rumours that a Bronze Age angler once lost a wooden float in swim fourteen.

The irony, of course, is that now we can drive virtually bankside and park behind the swim we intend to fish, the original stretch has become rather neglected. Previously, you had to park beside a busy road, climb through a hole in a fence that appeared to have been specifically designed to remove skin from your elbows, and then descend the steps I built many moons ago, which had gradually acquired the structural integrity of a well dunked digestive biscuit.

With the Warwickshire Avon currently running low, however, the neglected stretch suddenly looked rather interesting. It carries considerably more depth than some of the other water, and as anyone who fishes rivers knows, a bit of extra depth can make a man start thinking thoughts that would otherwise be considered completely unreasonable.

So, naturally, I decided to have a go.

Sam and I had fished the stretch on Sunday and, unfortunately, there were signs that somebody else had discovered it too. 

A makeshift rod rest had appeared, and the gap in the fence looked rather suspiciously inviting, which is generally the point where your mind starts imagining somebody arriving at midnight wearing camouflage, carrying three rods, a folding chair and a Tupperware box containing enough luncheon meat to feed Wolverhampton.

I had already put some scalded pellet in beforehand, knowing I was going to fish the following evening, so when I arrived at The Untrodden I parked at the bottom of the stretch and wandered over to the swim. 

I put some more bait out, had a look around and then decided it was probably time to make the original access slightly less accessible, if only to give any potential nocturnal entrepreneurs a minor inconvenience to overcome.

It wasn't exactly Fort Knox. I was merely trying to make getting through the fence sufficiently annoying that anyone contemplating a bit of unauthorised fishing might conclude that Netflix was actually a better option.

The evening itself was absolutely glorious. Clear skies, completely still water and that lovely period around dusk when the river starts changing character and you get the distinct feeling that something is about to happen, even though nothing has actually happened and you've spent the previous forty minutes staring at a motionless float like a man waiting for his broadband engineer.

As the light faded, the fish activity increased. Nothing enormous was topping, but there was enough going on to suggest that the river was waking up and, for a brief moment, I felt that I had timed things rather cleverly.

This is always dangerous.

The water was still absolutely tap-water clear, and from the swim I could see all the way down to the bottom in around six feet of water. Had it been twelve feet deep, I reckon I could have identified the make and model of any deadbait resting on the bottom, along with the expiry date on its packaging.

But this is the Warwickshire Avon, and once darkness arrives it has a habit of changing the rules. Things happen at dusk, things happen after dusk, and occasionally things happen that make you question whether the fish have been attending secret evening classes while you've been at work.

I filled the feeder with scalded pellet and attached a Sonubaits Oozing Sausage Sizzle dumbell, wrapped in one of my homemade Robin Red paste concoction. It was cast over the prebaited area, which had been sitting there for around thirty-six hours, and I settled back expecting, at best, a few enquiries from the local chub population.

What I wasn't expecting was what happened approximately twenty minutes later.

There were a couple of little bangs on the rod tip, followed by a steady pull that developed into one of those unmistakable something rather substantial has just decided it doesn't want to be here moments. I lifted into it and immediately found myself attached to a solid fish that appeared to have no interest whatsoever in discussing the matter.

Initially it simply sat there on the bottom. Then it started moving left in that familiar barbel fashion, and when it eventually felt the full bend of the Harrison rod it suddenly remembered that it had somewhere extremely important to be.

It took line like nothing I'd hooked for quite some time. The clutch was tightened as far as I dared, the reel was protesting, the rod was bent over and I was concentrating so hard that I probably looked like someone attempting to defuse a bomb using a packet of Twiglets.

I absolutely love this 1.75TC Harrison rod. It's got that wonderful combination of power and balance where you know you've got some serious stopping ability without feeling as though you're wielding a scaffolding pole.

The fish, however, wasn't particularly interested in my equipment review.

It was properly beasting me.

I did wonder whether I'd finally connected with some enormous barbel that had spent the last decade living underneath a submerged washing machine, and for a few moments thoughts of a new personal best began floating around my head.

This is another dangerous stage of fishing.

The brain starts doing things it shouldn't. You begin mentally writing the blog post, deciding which photograph will be the lead image and considering whether the words absolutely monstrous might be considered an understatement.

I was just about ready to put my hand over the spool and give it some additional encouragement when, after its initial twenty-yard run, the fish suddenly turned around and came charging back towards me.

Pheeeeeewwwww.

That was all very well, but when it eventually broke the surface I realised I hadn't hooked the gigantic barbel of my dreams at all.

I'd hooked a carp.

A very good carp, admittedly.

I'd caught a carp from this stretch before, a fourteen-pounder, but this fish was clearly bigger. For a few seconds I thought I'd got it under control, at which point the fish spotted the landing net and immediately decided that this was an unacceptable development.

It went absolutely berserk.

Another enormous run followed, accompanied by the sort of frantic clutch adjustment and rod manoeuvring normally associated with somebody trying to land a washing machine that has just been thrown into the river from a bridge.

I was holding on for dear life, praying that nothing would come adrift, but I was confident in the tackle. The Harrison rod was doing exactly what it needed to do, absorbing those savage lunges and taking some of the sting out of the fish's attempts to relocate itself to Birmingham.

Eventually, after what seemed like an age, the carp appeared to accept that its escape plan had been systematically dismantled.

The net went underneath it.

The fish went in.

I punched the air.

There are few things more satisfying than getting a good river fish safely into the net after a proper battle, particularly when you've spent the previous ten minutes wondering whether you're about to be humiliated by something with fins.

I let it rest for a while, sorted out the mat, sling and scales and eventually weighed it.

16lb 5oz.

Not a bad carp at all.

And this wasn't some obese, overfed, semi-domesticated lake carp whose idea of exercise is moving six feet between a boilie and a floating pellet. This was a proper river carp, built like a brick outhouse and shaped rather like an Australian wombat that had spent several years doing deadlifts.

An impressive beast, in other words.

I took a few photographs, admired it for a while and then slipped it back into the Avon. It swam away strongly, presumably off to tell its mates that some lunatic had tried to abduct it using a sausage-flavoured dumbell.

I carried on fishing for another forty-five minutes, well into darkness, but there wasn't so much as a chub pull. Nothing, nada, zilch, the sort of silence that makes you start wondering whether the fish have all gathered in another swim and are currently laughing at you.

It didn't matter.

I was still grinning.

There's something particularly satisfying about catching a surprise fish from water that you've perhaps been overlooking, especially when you arrive wondering whether there's actually anything worth bothering with and leave having just had your arms pulled off by a sixteen-pound river carp.

It also leaves the rather interesting question of what else might be lurking in that neglected stretch.

There are certainly barbel there. There are carp. There are chub, although apparently none of them felt sufficiently charitable to make an appearance on this particular evening, and given the depth and relative lack of disturbance, I suspect there may be one or two other surprises waiting for somebody sufficiently stupid—or optimistic—to go looking.

And that, really, is the problem.

Once you've caught one good fish from somewhere like this, you don't go home thinking, Lovely, that's that then.

You go home thinking, I wonder what's underneath that tree?

Then you start looking at the river differently.

And before you know it you're studying maps, checking levels, examining gaps in hedges and convincing yourself that a swim you haven't fished for three years is almost certainly holding the biggest fish in the county.

Which means, inevitably, I'll have to go back.

Not because I'm greedy, obviously.

Purely for research purposes.

And if another sixteen-pound carp happens to accidentally fall into my landing net while I'm conducting said research, then frankly it would be rude not to weigh it.

Warwickshire Avon - The Untrodden Pt.56

There are certain noises in life that a sensible man learns to recognise, and one of them is the faint, nagging ache coming from the lower back which, when translated from the language of bodily complaints, basically means “pack your gear away, you idiot.” As a previous sufferer of sciatica (6mths of hell), I am normally reasonably good at listening to such warnings, although apparently there is a small but extremely stupid part of my brain that believes pain is merely the body's way of asking whether I fancy doing something considerably more physical. So, after Friday’s trotting exploits had left me with that annoying little ache down the lower back, what did I do the following morning

Well, obviously I went fishing, because common sense is very much like a waterproof jacket in my house: I know where it is, but rarely remember to bring it with me. Having spent the previous day kitting Sam out with some new fishing clothes because the boy appears to have discovered growth hormones and has shot up like a weed over the last couple of years, we headed off to the syndicate water where I planned to do some peg trimming while he christened his new baitcasting set-up. 

Looking back, there was absolutely nothing wrong with this plan apart from the small matter of me being the one who had to wield the cutting tools. The day before donning his new gear he'd been fishing on the local canal with his mate Noah where they dropped in to Martyn's Stratford on Avon Fishing and Outdoors where he gave them to free maggots where they caught 9 fish !!, Sam has certainly got his mojo back which is good. 

The water had cooled off considerably of late and, with a deadbait positioned where I could keep one eye on it, I started trimming away in a few swims while Sam went off chucking his lure around. I was secretly hoping the deadbait might produce something interesting while I was hacking away at the vegetation, because there is nothing quite like pretending you are doing essential fishery maintenance when what you really want is for a float, indicator or alarm to suddenly start doing something exciting. 

Sadly, the deadbait remained as lifeless as my enthusiasm for further peg maintenance and the pike, barbel and anything else with fins collectively decided that today was apparently a good day for a lie-in it was quiet !!.

Sam wasn't having much more luck either, although unlike his dad he had the advantage of possessing a functioning lower back and considerably more enthusiasm. 

With the river gin clear, he'd sensibly been trying more natural-coloured lures, but after a while he turned to me with the sort of expression normally reserved for children who have just decided that Dad clearly knows absolutely nothing about fishing. “Daddy, can we try the biggest lure now, I reckon we need to go OTT instead?”

Now, I would love to claim that I carefully analysed the conditions, considered the behaviour of the quarry and arrived at the conclusion that a larger, more conspicuous lure would be the logical choice. 

In reality, Sam suggested it and I immediately agreed, thereby allowing me to look like an experienced angler while contributing absolutely nothing to the decision-making process. The lure was duly attached, allowed to sink almost to the bottom and, on literally the first cast, something absolutely hammered it.

“I’ve got a fish on, I’ve got a fish on!” came the cry, at a volume normally associated with someone discovering that they'd won the lottery rather than caught a small pike. 

Sure enough, an unsuspecting pike had absolutely nailed the lure, proving once and for all that when confronted with gin-clear water and cautious fish, the correct answer is apparently to throw something resembling a brightly coloured aquatic brick directly at them. It wasn't a huge pike by any stretch of the imagination, but to Sam it might as well have been the biggest fish ever to swim the river, and judging by his grin I suspect he'd have happily carried it home and put it in the bath.

I landed it for him and gave him a close-up lesson in how to unhook a pike safely, explaining that next time it'll be his turn under my guidance. There is something particularly satisfying about watching your lad catch a fish using a rod and reel that he's only just started getting to grips with, especially when you've spent a small fortune on the aforementioned rod, reel, lures and clothing and are now emotionally committed to proving that buying all of it was absolutely necessary. 

Naturally, Sam was already planning the conversation with his mother before we'd even left the swim, and I could practically hear the words “I caught a pike” being rehearsed in his head.

There were no more bites after that, but quite frankly we'd already had what we came for and anything else would merely have been greedy. We packed up and headed home with Sam still buzzing about his fish, while I was beginning to feel that familiar ache in my back and wondering whether my body had perhaps been trying to communicate with me using a language I was deliberately refusing to learn. 

The irony wasn't lost on me that the youngest member of the party had demonstrated excellent lure selection, impeccable timing and considerably more common sense than his father.

Sunday arrived and, after cooking a roast, I had every intention of heading out in pursuit of a barbel because apparently one small pike and an aching back had not yet completely cured me of my stupidity. However, for perhaps the first time in living memory, I decided that sitting on the sofa and watching YouTube might actually be the sensible option, which was a decision so unusual that I half expected someone from the Environment Agency to knock on the door and check whether I was feeling alright. 

With three short sessions planned during the week anyway, I figured the barbel could wait and, judging by how my back felt after an afternoon doing absolutely nothing, I suspect it was quietly thanking me for finally developing some common sense.

And that, really, was the lesson from the weekend: Sam listened to his instincts, chose the ridiculous lure, caught a pike first cast of the big lure and went home looking like he'd just conquered the River Amazon. I ignored mine, tried to turn myself into a one-man groundskeeping department and spent the rest of the weekend negotiating with my lower back like it was an angry union representative. 

There are many things fishing teaches you over the years, but apparently one of them is that sometimes the cleverest thing an angler can do is put his feet up, watch someone else catch fish on YouTube and give his spine a well deserved day off.