Warwickshire Stour - Mendaciloquence and Melancholy

The Warwickshire Avon was still banging through so I fancied a few bites for this morning session so I decided to head to the Stour. I can be there in less than 20 minutes and there is so much to go at with typical small river fishing.

This particular stretch is match fish from time to time and that often means that the fish get bigger and bigger. Those half pints of left over maggots and groundbait deposited in the river at the end of the match only adds to that.

The river was still high and pacey in most swims however I would be fishing the slacks with my light feeder set-up and obviously rove from swim to swim if bites were not forthcoming. I need not have worried though as I couldn't believe how many bites I was getting. The fish were up for a feed. The set-up was a tiny cage feeder with some liquidised bread and some black roach groundbait for some pungency and a thumbnail piece of bread on the hook, or maggots. 

I stuck it in the first swim far longer than I usually so because every cast of the feeder the fish were straight on the bait. They were roach and a reasonable stamp too however that all that seemed to be in the swim so I decided to go and have a nose at some other swims. 

As anglers you get that feeling when a swim just looked perfect and needed some attention and the next swim was exactly that. A fallen tree upstream and a rather large back eddy was just downstream of that which visually looked like a washing machine at the end of its spin cycle.

The bread bait went out and after a few minutes a couple of pulls on the 3/4 oz tip which were unstrikeable eventually a full on bite developed and I hooked in to a fish. I knew exactly what it was from the initial fight, it was a BIG ROACH !! so I treated it with kid gloves for a while with my heart in my mouth, but then it was trying to get in to the dead reeds right by my feet which I had to steer it away from.

Then is popped up to the surface and WTF !! easily the biggest roach I've seen in my life and not only that it was a minter too, almost like an AI version of what you would want a big roach to look like, it was HUGE. I got the landing net and knelt down to scoop it in the landing net, but this roach had other ideas because one more headshake the hook and fish parted and I saw it swim away back to its watery depths. OH FFS !!! WTF, DID THAT JUST HAPPEN !!! you can imagine the expletives 🙈

A PB beater for sure and my PB is 1lb and 12oz's from the canal and this one was way bigger than that. These are predated on, so a roach like that is as rare as rocking horse poo and even if they do get to a decent size, my best off the Stour is 1lb 8 ounces they are usually quite tatty, with plenty of stories to tell.

With that fish lost I carried on fishing and managed a couple of nice chub and some other smaller roach before the bites dried up leaving me to go and fish some more swims. I returned to the swim for the last half an hour where I caught a small dace and that was that.

Now ok I've lost plenty of nice fish before but the lost of this fish I played in my mind over and over again to see what I could have done differently. These GURU feeder special hooks I've been using when they are locked on they are not coming out, so God knows what happened. Was the fish only lightly hooked ? should I have played it harder to set the hook better ? should I take up Golf ?

At least I know where it lives though so will give the swim and the stretch much more attention now. I still cannot believe I lost it, but then that's fishing for you. It's the fact that these fish rarely show so my next chance might be this time next year. Gutted is an understatement !!!

In the words of Arnold Schwarzenegger "I'll be back"

Warwickshire Avon - Slacks and Slickenside

 I needed to catch a fish, a fish to put a bend in the rod...

The Avon was still high though and banging through however those slacks you make a mental note of with the river levels are like those, are often called upon season after season.

So out with the cheesepaste !!, mission Chub !!

The slack right out in front where bites usually come from didn't produce but a slack to the right within 10 minutes after a couple of plucks, the rod went into meltdown where a chub had obviously hooked itself !!!

A nice fish too and a cracking fight because it motored towards the cover over at the far side rather than trying to get in to the edge. The problem was that was right where the flow was the most powerful.

Thankfully the tackle held good and a nice Warwickshire Avon chub was in the net. When the river is this colour cheesepaste just works for me. Bread would probably do a good of a job, but when you've confidence in a method and a bait, it's hard to swap from that.

Anyway that swim went dead so I fish two more slacks without another nibble. The two other swims are also good for a bite but to be honest from reports from other anglers, the fishing has been tough for others as well not just me. 

I stayed till dusk before heading back with mission complete. That's rarely happened of late so I was pretty happy with that as the fact was it, was a rushed session where it was either sit on the sofa and watch some live sports, or get off my backside again and go fishing.

Door to door in less than 2 hours, well worth the effort I say. So to the Warwickshire Stour tomorrow morning. I fancy some small river fishing, this time I'll venture to an area I've not fish for a while, but the like-minded have been catching some nice fish, I want in on that !!

The Tiny River Alne - Naysayers and Nincompoops

So I fancied another blank to make it three in a row 😀 so I headed to the River Alne just down the road. A river that has more busts than boom's but when the stars align it throws up some nice surprises. It fishes better when it's coloured like it was for this short mornings session.

Dace were the target and my best of any river came from here and went 12 ounces on the dials. The problem is you can catch fish one day then the following day, using the same method you won't get a sniff.

Yes that's my selfie phone mount providing the rod rest because stupidly I'd left it in the garage. I even brought a chair for this session however nearly two hours in with only a few rattly bites, I put the chair back in the car and decided to fish another couple of swims.

The same outcome though, ie no fish caught although this time not even any bites 💀.

I tried maggots, half lobworms and bread but those fish were suspicious in their absence yet again. It's such a moody river mind you, so not entirely unexpected but I felt it was a bit of a wasted session because my fishing time throughout a week is short (honest), so I should have gone somewhere else where bites would be more forthcoming.

Still as it happens I managed to go out late afternoon as an opportunity arose that I grasped with both hands !!, oh and I actually caught a FISH 🤯

Warwickshire Avon - Gate Swingers and Gastrophilanthropists

With Sam off because of a teacher training day I persuaded him with some newly purchased handwarmers' to come fishing with me. Only a few hours sadly but enough time to try and winkle out a fish before the cold set in and Sam wanted to go home. 

Here he could take sanctuary in the car if need be but it wasn't 'that' cold, but Sam like his mother does seem to feel it more than most. She suffers with Raynaud's mind you, which doesn't seem very pleasant but for her modern electronic hand warmers are a Godsend. !!

"So Sam what do you fancy catching ?"

"Can we have a go for a pike ?"  

"yeah if you want"

With the river still pretty high I decided to drive up to an area which is much wider and deeper than the river below the weir which you can just make out in the picture. 

In the colder months the silver fish congregate up here and if you look a the catch reports in the matches, they are often won with decent sized nets of snackets for pike and zander for that matter. I've not been up in here for ages so it was good to have a nose I suppose and get Sam back to fishing again. 

He'd not been since November where he blanked on the LRF gear at Westward Ho! so I was keen to get him back fishing as I have missed my fishing buddy I must admit, not so much the fishing, but the conversations are very random, let's leave it at that, what happens at fishing, stays at fishing 😁

So a roving session this where we would leapfrog likely looking predator holding swim to try and drop a bait on a fishes noggin. The water was still pretty coloured but the baits were pungent so I was hoping they would be easily findable if there were fish up for a feed.

There were some rowers on the river and one of them was accompanied by a little powered boat which to be fair did slow down when he saw us in various sections of the river, however beyond us, that right hand was cranked right over and easily exceeded the river speed limit. 

Some of the swims were fished looked perfect for a bite with both float away from the main flow holding no problem. The fish seemed to be having other ideas mind you and as we ticked those swims off I did wonder if a blank was on the cards.

I promised Sam he had the rod when we got a bite however he replied you mean "if we get a bite Daddy !! " and to be fair he wasn't wrong. 

As we continued along the stretch fishing those likely fish holding areas some of the deep too, easily >10ft deep and that was directly under the platform., those floats just didn't budge. I did think about fishing with some maggots to keep Sam occupied but the reality is moving from swim to swim isn't conducive to that really now is it. 

I was getting as bored as Sam a couple of hours in, so after fishing one last deep swim for fifteen minutes where I'd had zander and pike from before it was time to call it a day. 7 or 8 swims, nothing, zilch, bobbleless !!!. Another session where I wished I had fished for something else, maybe a small stream or something, oh well, lesson learnt. 

To be honest I did think we'd struggle however it's only ten minutes away by car so at least we didn't travel far to get there. Also because the rowing club were out it also meant we didn't need to negotiate the two locked gates there and back so got to look on the positives, for yes, another blank. 

Warwickshire Avon - The Untrodden Pt.13

Remember that television series Life on Earth, in which David Attenborough went through all the life forms from the primaeval sludge to brain surgeons?

What I found particularly interesting was how the marsupials, the really primitive mammals with pouches, have developed independently in remote places into counter- parts of higher mammals in other parts of the world. 

There are marsupial equivalents of mice, rats, cats, bears, moles, anteaters, squirrels, deer even a marsupial wolf which seems to be no longer with us on account of conservation-minded Aussies using it for target practice.

What these strange animals demonstrate is that if a certain physical pattern is suited to a certain lifestyle, Nature makes sure that this pattern develops.

It is a little known fact a totally unknown fact, in fact - that there is an order of British marsupial living in the Lost Islands of Lankiland, between Blackpool and Wigan, which has developed completely independently of other British wildlife. 

The Lost Islands have been isolated for thousands of years on account of being surrounded first of all by water, and then by a broad belt of agricultural land in which there is not a pub for miles.

The staple diet of these marsupials is fish, and they have therefore developed into different forms of primitive angler, with remarkable parallels to the anglers of the outside world. These bizarre creatures are to be scientifically classified as Manglers, short for Marsupial Anglers.

Most common is the Common Mangler, which possibly comes as no surprise. The male is medium-sized, nondescript to tatty in appearance, with a pair of short stubby legs for jamming in wellies.

Its prey is anything daft enough to fall for its clumsy fishing methods, and its pouch is stuffed with an assortment of maggots, lobs, bread, cheese and bits of sausage. It also carries a few spinners, which accounts for the pained look which occasionally crosses its face and its habit of suddenly leaping six feet in the air. 

Anyway enough of the distractions, something different for this session, you see I'd fish some maggots in a big flat feeder and maggots and half a lobworm on the hook for added attraction. Not my usual approach but I'd seen Martin Bowler use this rig before to target barbel in the winter where the feeder is fixed either side with some big grippa stops and it's good to tinker I say, oh and I've successfully caught barbel on lobworms before. 

Fellow blogger and YouTube content creator Eric you see had managed to hook but sadly lost, a couple of barbel trotting on this, the syndicate stretch which was encouraging signs despite losing the fish. He certainly has got a lot closer than I have to a barbus at the untrodden so maybe a maggot approach might we be worth a go as a change up from the much larger baits I use. He was actually fishing caster and hemp in the main, but maggots would have to do 😃. 

Fish love maggots and when hardly anything bites when the water temp is 6 degrees or below, mixing it up is definitely worth a go to try and make a bigger fish slip up. 

I would be fishing in to dusk and in to dark for an hour so the witching hour would hopefully also increase the probability of putting a decent bend in the rod. Ok a barbel might feed for an hour or have its fins up conserving energy but at least they also like a maggot or ten. Now the river was higher than I thought and banging through in most swims but there are thankfully a couple with more calmer water where I'd drown the maggots.

With a frost overnight the water temperature had now dropped below 6 degrees which was one of the excuses already lined up. 

2 swims fished feeder filled with grubs and cast out every 15 minutes or so in to dusk and an hour and a half in to dark...

....no bites 

....no nibbles, nada

Oh well, it was worthwhile going out to try and catch something, even though I probably knew the outcome before I started the session. On a more positive note, one of these Imperial Stouts was enjoyed like an fine wine later with a fire, 👌. 

Warwickshire Stour - Undercarriages and Undulationisms

 A rather dramatic sunrise greeted me when I arrived at the rather lovely Warwickshire Stour. I'm fond of this one particular stretch mainly because you are unlikely to bump in to another angler in pursuit of the angle. 

Sheepshit and Solitude....😎

The problem with the Stour is that you have often have the session played out, where you are going to fish, what you are going to catch but often like like this session those prerequisites go out the window. 

So tackle for this short (aren't they all) my TFG river and stream rod, liquidised bread flavoured with Sensas Gros Gardons aromix liquid attractant in the feeder and bread on the hook was the plan, and chub the intended quarry. I do scale down to fish this little river though where I swap to a size 12 feeder special hook and a lighter hooklink.

There are some nice roach down here you see (my best 1lb 9oz) but they are less likely to show up than the electorate in a general election. The chub don't go massive to if you do lose one it might be a 4 lber not a cry in the handkerchief 6lber from the Avon.  

Being inland we were rather sheltered from the recent Storm Éowyn but its wrath could be seen in a few of the swims. I did wonder why some of the downstream pegs were a bit more turbulent from normal and this could well have been the cause of it. Its undercarriage on full show so I didn't take a picture to spare someone's blushes, oh wait !!!, oh well, I doubt it reads my blog anyway. 

The Stour wasn't its usual emerald green colour, the recent rain had turned it to more of a weak tea colour and could well have been why I was struggling for bites.

Hmmmm....

This wasn't going well until the fourth swim where a few quick missed bites played out on the 3/4 ounce quiver tip, I decided to switch to maggots instead. Now I rarely bring maggots but last night I packed a few for a vacation, well that or a drowning !! so maybe the fish Gods were looking down on me.

You see a minute or so after the feeder hit the bottom some twerky bites I struck in to a fish. At first I thought it was a chublet as it was trying to get in to some cover to my right however I got a glimpse of it when it came to the surface after steering it away from the inevitable. 

It was a rather nice roach 💞...

....and who doesn't love a nice roach !!!

Happy days !!! 

I really didn't expect that so I carried on the maggots as hook bait and liquidised bread in the feeder where over the next hour I picked up another 2 roach ranging from around 12 ounces with the biggest an ounce over the pound mark.

Oh nothing to write home about but we are fishing a dirty river that winds itself through open farmland. this isn't a chalk stream in Hampshire. They made me happy anyway 💗, especially when they were in cracking condition. 

The wind was starting to pick up with another storm on the way and to be honest not only was it that chilly wind that gets you right to the bone, but the bites had dried up and difficult to see even if I had one. 

I dropped in to the first swim again which I'd pre-baited which is usually good for a chub, but no the chub were having an off day, they didn't show at all. I really do love small river fishing, what's not to like (well apart from the size of the fish 😃, give them a go, you might be 'hooked' like I am. 

Warwickshire Avon - Moon Boots and Monopolylogues

 A chilly morning where I was scraping off the frost from the windscreen in order to go fishing, you do wonder especially when I left a rather cozy bed. But there was fish to catch and I fancied a go at trotting at one of the favourite sections of the Warwickshire Avon.  

The skies were clear overnight and the sun was going to shine most of the day and the skies were going to be blue. Perfect for fishing, NOT but trotting bread and feeding mash can get those cautious chub feeding from a static bait would often be ignored. 

Now with the temperature around freezing these are not ideal conditions to be handling wet bread. Maggots would be the better option on that respect but the river looked a perfect colour for bread fishing, where I'd feed some mash for a while than trot that float down to try and pick up a chub or two.

There is something very therapeutic about trotting, it's good for the mind, you literally don't think about anything apart from the task in hand. Now the first swim over the years has been a favorite of mine but the willow found itself cutback, by the phantom branch cutter, who also decided to take his pastime under the cover of darkness to other trees and bushes that would hinder a canoe for example. 

The tree and cover is now a shadow of its former self but the chub do seem to like it here still but then as you get to the tail end of the swim there is also plenty of cover, for the fish to tuck themselves out of plain slight.

The problem is after hooking the first first chub at the very end of the swim where it narrows you really have to be on the fish straight away and bully them away from danger, because like me if you are not on the ball you will lose the fish as quickly as you can say, Oh FFS !!.

They are not stupid chub, they literally know every inch of the river and its escape routes and after losing that fish after another half an hour without a bite, I decided to go on the move to another swim that looked perfect for trotting. No matter the weather and the level of the river they do tend to hang around here where within ten minutes I had a nice chub in the net.

There is something very satisfying after seeing the stick float shoot under the surface you lift in to a solid fish that is plodding around intermingled with some chub headshaking. Using light tackle this is where the 15ft rod comes into play with it down most of the work to combat its lunges. 

I managed three from that swim which was nice where they ranged from 2 to 4lb so a very satisfying morning in my book. I had a curfew as always but with an hour left I decided to try a fruitless swim before heading back to the swim I started in. Not an easy task because the mud really is claggy at the minute and it feels like you are wearing moon boots, they weigh a ton !!

I hooked and lost two fish quite quickly where after feeling the resistance they just came off 🙈, all very bizarre. I stuck with it mind you and managed another two pounder. 

The best was this one mind you from the previous swim because the session seems to come to a close much faster that I thought it would. It motors by when you are enjoying yourself because the sun was rather nice I must admit. That winter sun that warms everything up rather quickly and it didn't seem like it was still just hovering around freezing, where much of the ground outside of the sun's rays were still covered in frost. 

The glycerine I applied to the tiny rod rings did seem to be doing it job because only a couple of rod dunkings were required for this session in the cold, previously it's been a nightmare if I'm honest. So an enjoyable session despite its duration. I need to do more of this especially when the conditions dictate it.  

Warwickshire Avon - Polluters and Polyphloisboisterous

Now as others see us, is there such a thing as an average angler? Difficult question. But apparently a survey has shown that the composite angler is more likely to be under thirty-five than over, has a higher-than-average income, owns or has the use of a car, and spends hundreds of pounds a year on tackle, bait, permits and travel.

He goes fishing, it says here, for adventure, excitement and mental relaxation. A minority of anglers, possibly the honest ones, replied that they went fishing to get away from the wife. The composite angler will sometimes take his son with him but not, if he can help it, his wife or daughter.

Fishing is the main purpose of the trip:eating and drinking are normally the only other activities indulged in. (Perhaps night fishing was not included in the survey.) So the wives left at home at least have the consolation that hubby isn't getting up to much.

The wives, instead, may have been quite pleased to have the husbands out from under their feet, and happy about 'the sport's beneficial effect on the husbands' general demeanour'. 

The only drawback about that opinion is that all who agreed with it were men.

The social scientists conducting the survey summed it up thus: 

'The current norm of the angling sub-culture appears to run contrary to current social trends." 

Which, elaborated on, meant that they thought the composite angler to be selfish, self-centred, anti-social and indifferent to concepts of sex equality, togetherness and family-shared recreation.

What a thing to say...

A change of scenery was in order for this three hour sessions in not very good conditions (windy, with mostly blue skies and sun), you see after waking up to the howling wind at early 'oclock, I was lying in bed wondering where to go fishing. 

'I tell you what, I'll go to the area I caught some of my biggest chub from. A Warwickshire Avon PB of 6lb 2oz, but also my biggest fish on the float which went 5lb 10oz and multiple 5lbers also graced my net over time I fished the now defunct small syndicate which was opposite the club stretch I'd fish for this session, however there was one big problem !!!

A pollution incident back in June 2023 wiped out a whole massive area of the Warwickshire Avon and some of the biggest fish sadly lost their lives due to no fault of their own. A angler who used to fish the same areas as me witnessed the devastation and was brought to tears having to look at countless carcasses of big fish who sadly didn't make it. 

"Heartbreaking 😞"

There does seem the odd half decent fishing coming out mind you, which I assume could well have been because of the fish that migrated from up and down the river, from areas that's didn't feel the full force of the defilement of the water quality. 

To be honest it was more of a nose than anything else and a reccy for a potential session in to dusk after work. I had my quiver rod with me and some bread to try and catch a chub, anyone one would do, even a chublet, a bite would be nice. Storm Éowyn was making the conditions not ideal either but you cannot catch fish unless you have a bait in the water now can you. 

Well it was certainly testing conditions with whitetips you could surf on but there was no stopping me in the pursuit of the angle !! The problem was it was choppy that you often had to guess where the slack were and the wind was so bad that it was difficult to register those bites from the chub.

I stuck to my mission though and despite the sun also being out in a clearing river I managed to get a bite quite early on in to the session that sadly I missed 😀. That could have been my only bite of the day but I got roving about and dropped in to a few swims before picking up the first small chub not much than a pound I would think.

The breakthrough came when I found a deeper swim where a bite came quite quick on the huge piece of garlic oil flake and after some fast pulls the tip went round confidently and I hooked in to a nice chub that was pulling back. For its size it gave a good account for itself and had a nice winter frame on it when I steered it in to the net.

This a 3lb 4oz fish from a waterway that has its challenges and was most welcome indeed. Another 3 or 4 smaller chub also wanted the bread but sadly I had to leave on one's curfew. Ok nothing big was caught but at least the bites were forthcoming on what was a rather blustery day. Around 2.5 hours of fishing, not a bad result I say. I'll be back !!!

Warwickshire Avon - Cack-handed and Cacodemomania

I was back for a last gasp chub blog readers, where from finishing work (wfh today) I had two hours door to door maximum which I was hoping would be enough time to try and winkle out a chub, before having to get back for the Wife to get off to her physio appointment at the Nuffield. 

So to the stretch of convenience forthwith !! Now the swim I chose to fish I only had half an hour past official dusk curfew for the club, but also that of the diary makers anyway, however I was hoping enough time to winkle out a chub. 

I had deposited some cheesepaste in this swim last time I was here to I was hoping it would whet their appetite. No night fishing to be seen here for the finger pointers. 

Now night fishing can be an experience so eerie that even the hardest of men have been known to give up after a couple of sessions. Many moons ago Mick of this parish came back from his last all-night angle his hair had turned completely white. He had tried to slosh a cow with a bag of groundbait and it had burst all over him. The groundbait, not the cow. Now, well after hundreds of sessions fishing in to dark now, it's water off a duck's back. 

Seriously, though, the noises of night creatures can be highly unnerving. And to be touched by an unseen thing in the dark is the finest training in the world for the 200 metres. But it's all in the mind. Once you know what the creatures are, the terror is gone. 

So this session in Piscatorial Quagswagging Worry Corner is given over to an examination of the commoner night creatures and their identifiable characteristics. A mouse walking over you can be recognised by its lightness, its little patty paws, and its habit of going, 'Eek, eek'.

A rat, though still light on its feet, is a bit heavier and not quite so cuddlesome. Once you have identified it, you go 'Eek, eek!'.

If a hedgehog walks over you as you squat on the bank, you get a pleasant tickling sensation and a free gift of fleas. If a hedgehog walks under you, you tend to rise a bit smartish.

A cow makes a noise like 'Moo', has big pointy feet and is very heavy. Cows which walk on people are not very popular.

A cold, clammy sensation creeping up your leg could mean that a snail has mistaken your superbly muscled calf for a stick of hairy rhubarb. 

Remove the snail before it gets too far up: it has a set of rasp-like teeth which can do naughties to the toughest of vegetables. There has so far been no recorded instance of a man-eating snail, but there's always a first time. 

You see Sound magnifies at night, so even quite loud rustlings in the grass may be nothing more than mice, voles, rats or snails. Don't worry about the rapid thudding sound you can hear: that's your heart. Only worry when it stops.

Identification of sounds is very important. As we have heard, mice go, 'Eek, eek'. Cows go 'Moo', occasionally, 'Burrrp', and have a tendency towards heavy breathing. Owls 'owl. The big ones, that is. The Little Owl sounds like a flying tomcat, and this can be a bit disorientating. Hedgehogs particularly make a lot of noise, grunting, snuffling and-when they back into each other-shouting, 'Gerroff!'

A nightjar goes, 'Urrrp!' and sounds quite revolting. A nightjar which goes, 'Urrrp! Pardon', is one which has remembered its manners. At dawn or dusk you may hear the cuckoo, with whose cry you are no doubt familiar. You may be puzzled by the occasional 'Oocuck'. This is a cuckoo flying backwards if you didn't know. 

Elephants tread silently and you don't hear them until they are right on top of you. You will recognise an elephant on top of you by feeling first squashy and then dead. Take comfort from the fact that thanks to our temperate climate, elephants are very rare !!!

Anyway better get fishing hadn't I !!!

I arrived at the carpark and a van pulled in with a wave just as I was heading off and it was the fellow angler and bailiff with his well behaved dogs. He thought I was just heading off but nope, 'I'm heading off for a quick smash and grab session', so after walking down to the area to fish, "good luck, I'll see you on the return"

I prebaited another swim with some coarse liquidised bread and got fishing in the main swim. 15 minutes went by and then as the light level started to reduce despite the clear skies, a couple of sharp pulls then a positive pull round, where I struck in to nothing, bugger !!!. The cheesepaste was gone so another piece went back out and then I missed an UNMISSABLE bite less than 10 minutes later 🙈. 

Not usual when you're chub fishing mind you, these missed bites are not uncommon. I was using my newly purchased rod with a 2oz glass tip, I'm sure my 3/4oz tip would have been the better option. Anyway that swim went dead and with curfew on the countdown I went downstream to the prebaited swim which sadly produced nothing for 10 minutes. So back to the swim where I missed the bites where my underarm cast went straight in to the tree 😂, I pulled for a break but that didn't go well either !!! I lost the bleeding lot. 

I walked back to the car with ones tails between my legs !!