Warwickshire Stour - Fannies and Fanfaronades

The other week I was hypnotising the cat. Like you do. When it occurred to me that my amazing power over animals could be put to better use. (Ever tried that, hypnotising the cat? What you do is to wait until it is settled on the back of the settee, and then stare deep into its eyes. You say, 'Daft cat, you are completely in my power. You are going to sleep. A deep... deep... sleep...'

Anyway, what I thought was that instead of wasting time on the cat, I could try my hypnotic powers on fish. And transmit them by telepathy, at which I am also a master. So there I was, down by the river. At a spot where some PB roach can be had. If you know what you're about. Like what I do.

Bait up. Cast out. All systems go. Now for the telepathy.

You are a roach of about 2 lb. in weight. You are very hungry and totally unafraid. You are approaching a maggie of gigantic proportions and irresistible seasoning. You are sucking in the bait. You are-

By gum. That gudgeon must have nipped in a bit smartish. Try again.

You have been shoved aside this time, roach. By big brother. Who weighs all of 3 lb., and who needs plenty of nourishment. Now, big brother, your little beadies have spotted that delicious anattoed maggie... You are moving in for the kill... Forgetting your manners and going, 'Slurrrp' . . .

Another bloody gudgeon. Gerroff.

I realise now why the roach are being so shy. It's that 7lb.Chub which is putting them off.

Come here, ol' Chub... To where the maggie is... Mick's here... Have no fear... Now... One... two... three...

If I see another gudgeon, I'll scream.

All of which proves that gudgeon are much more receptive to telepathy than 3lb. roach and 7lb. chub.

So receptive, so completely in my power, that they elbow the monster fish out of the way to get at the bait first. I wonder if Alwyne Wheeler knows about this?

Meanwhile, perhaps I should keep in practice.

Come here, daft cat. Look deep into my eyes... You are going to sleep... A deep... deep... sleep...

Anyway I need as much help as I can at the minute because after catching 5 chub on the Warwickshire Stour a few days ago, this short 2.5 hour session I caught absolutely naff all. Not even a bite either, well I might have done, but the wind was so strong it was blowing the 1 ounce quivertip all over the gaff.

Not enjoyable I can tell thee !!!

Now I did intend to float fish because I knew the river would be much clearer when I fished it last but stupid me when leaving in a rush to get to Ben's Xmas concert in the Holy Trinity Church in Stratford-Upon-Avon I left it in the garage 🙈. I thought I'd bank at least a couple of fish, how wrong was I.

So another blank, anyway on a more positive note on one of our families early Xmas Do's (Father-In-Law and Step MIL) is off on a cruise AGAIN !! I came away with some festive treats that were on the table next to the crackers and scratch cards. Despite knowing the Wife and kids don't particularly like Terry's chocolate orange I managed to come away with theirs after the meal. 

Bob's your uncle. And Fanny's your aunt.

Oh and Jack Daniels 😬 there was a disappointing end to the tale.